a day for emotions

Another week has flown by! Amazing! I will start by saying that today is/was my Grammas birthday. I never forget it. I'm pretty good with stuff like that, but, I don't remember all the older relatives birthdays, 'cept Grammas...
My maternal Grandmother, her name was Hazel Mae. (That's my Grandpa with her here. They had a real story to tell about their getting together.)I have great memories of her and think she is the kind of Grandma you are supposed to have. My paternal Grandma was pretty old and not in good health, I don't recall much of her, and I find that really sad. My Gramma has given me a role I would like to follow, as far as how she was with me. We moved to Arizona, where she lived, when I was 12. We used to come to Arizona once if not twice a year to visit until we finally moved here. So, most of my memories are of when I was older. I loved to spend the night at my grandparents house. It was always a treat to get away from the turmoil of a house with 3 younger brothers. I loved sleeping in the extra bedroom (they were the first in town to buy a triple-wide trailer) and I LOVED feeling spoiled in the morning, when I got to have toast with REAL butter *well, from the store..but, it wasn't O L E O !!! LOL* I used to go clean for her---a ploy, I'm sure---and she would always give me $20!!! That was ALOT of money to me back then! When my cousins, that lived about 30 miles away (or the rest of the family from Iowa that came at least once a year) came to town, the trailer was huge enough for ALL OF US!! My girl cousins and I would have a sleepover and we played Canasta for HOURS! Good memories.....they are so nice to have, since, I really don't have a ton of them.
~~~I had a fun day Friday. I got to babysit our local scrapbook store from 1-5 for store credit! WOO HOO!!! The owners are out-of-town for a big industry show until the 15th, so, I'll also work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday! The kicker on this, is this store is in my old flower shop building! LOL What memories there, altho, they've redone the whole place.
~~~On a really sad note, the week ended pretty crappy. I got a call from my mom yesterday about my dad. He's basically on his deathbed, pretty much willing himself to die. He's been relatively healthy and active for an 80 year old. He did sort of turned things off about 20 years ago when he 'retired', when they closed the El Taco...our family owned version of the beginning franchise that eventually became Taco Bell...after 20 years of owning/running that. He had a good friend that passed away not long after that and he was just 'ready' all these years....it's so sad, really. Anyway, about 3 weeks ago, he started not doing his usual daily routine of 'checking in at the office' 2, 3, 4 or 5 times a day for his one glass of beer. Not showering or shaving. He was getting weak and not himself...other than being ornery and stubborn enough to not go to a doctor. Anyway, mom told me dad has been in the bed since Thursday, not eating, not drinking and even getting sick in the bed. He is barely able to get up for the bathroom, but, tells her he is just pooped, when she asks him about getting up and about. Being a smoker for a L O N G time, she thinks he probably needs oxygen among other things
I would have liked for him to go to the doctor and just see what they do have to say...he's probably expecting the worst, anyway. But, if he knew what it is, then, he could decide to take medicine or not. (He doesn't take any kind of medicine at all and hasn't been to a dr. since 1991. He did have a scare with tongue cancer in the 80's.) He's already signed all papers that are needed with his signatures for DO NOT RESUSCITATE, etc.
What are you supposed to do with a person that just wants to die?
I had a bad night, last night, thinking all kinds of things, including that they were 'killing' him *my oldest younger brother moved in with them after the first of the year when he moved back from Boise---a blessing the deal on his house fell through, so, he is there with them for right now.
I talked to Dad about 10 days ago and he sounded pretty good, just dad. I've thought about going down to see him/them, but, with all that was going on, even then, I decided I wanted to remember him in a good way, and, I didn't want to 'get in the way'. Things are not 'good' with my two brothers and I. This impending funeral is going to be a mess, I just know it.
So, I've been on pins and needles all day waiting for that dreaded phone call. I will call in the morning, when my brother is at work, and just play it by ear.
anyway...

This is what I do when I'm stressed, so, I guess you could say I am stressed....
















count your blessings...